Tears are precious. These complex droplets give tangible form to the emotions of our human experience--sometimes unbearable sorrow and other times extreme joy. Each spherical form of fluid that spills from our eyes embodies something--whether it be our grief or our elation. And like the stars in the heavens, God sees and counts each one. Tears also sustain the delicate environment of our eyes--an intricate balance of aqueous, mucous, and oil layers to achieve a moist stasis. What a wonder of His creation!
But what if we were to stop producing tears? That is exactly what happened to me. The result is a dry and inflamed eye surface that is miserable and that makes day-to-day life a struggle.
Over the years I’ve had slight dry eye issues, but a few months ago, something shifted. I had a sudden onset of dry eye symptoms, and multiple trips to my eye doctor, hours of my own research, and a multitude of tried but failed attempts to restore my eyes left me---well, hopeless.
Desperate, I had tried using every possible brand of eye drop, having plugs inserted into my tear ducts, adding supplements, switching to an anti-inflammatory diet, using heat masks and a humidifier at night, and using special cleansers for my eyelids. All the while, I continued pressing forward in my roles as a teacher, mom, and wife--this unexpected health issue presented its challenges in my different jobs.
At the same time, I began a Bible study with a group of women on the story of the prophet Elijah. He is most known for the higher points of his life--like the time on Mount Carmel when he prayed down fire from heaven to swallow up a water-drenched altar to prove that God was God and that the idol Baal was not. Or when God sent down a chariot and horses of fire and brought him up to heaven in a whirlwind--that’s right, Elijah did not die. Or when he appeared with Jesus and Moses in the New Testament’s transfiguration story.
The author of the study, Priscilla Shirer, includes some of these big moments, but most of the study focuses on the times of obscurity and difficulty in Elijah’s life. These are the times that developed, refined, and prepared Elijah for those bold Mount Carmel moments. God took him through several seasons of unsettling to produce in him the trust and fortitude he needed to accomplish His next tasks.
Shirer describes this unsettling process that Elijah experienced and that we experience here:
Comfort and steadiness is what we crave, but overstaying our welcome in one place can rob us of the work God intends to do in us at the next one. In His wise and sovereign way, He often includes seasons of unsettledness where He transfers us out of the comfort and complacency of familiarity and moves us into a new place and position. It’s a necessary part of His process.
Each phase represents another refining stage in a divine progression of life. He deposits us into one season, with its own unique set of joys, challenges, people, and problems, and He lets us sit there a while. Pressing us. Sifting us. Purifying us. Then at the right time, when the work that needs to happen there is done, He unsettles us--sometimes in a way that feels forcible, sudden, and painful; other times in a nearly undetectable way that is organic, seamless, and can only be pinpointed in hindsight. Either way, He strategically pours us into a new place and space--with new people, with new circumstances, with new life dynamics--knowing this new environment will be the most suitable for whatever He wants to reshape in us next.
How did God unsettle Elijah? After the prophet boldly proclaimed to King Ahab that there would be no rain for three years, God told him to go to Cherith, where he would remain for two years, drinking from a brook that would eventually dry up and relying upon ravens to feed him. So how did this two-year process of Cherith unsettle Elijah? It took him out of his comfort zone--out of his role of messenger in a kingdom to living quietly by the hand of God, completely dependent on Him and trusting in Him.
And then the Lord told him to go to Zarephath, to a poor Gentile widow who was to feed him. His unsettling at Cherith prepared him for his time at Zarephath because he saw God’s faithful provision for those two years--the drying brook, even as it dwindled. He spoke with authority to the widow about what the Lord would do--provide oil and flour for the widow and her son and Elijah himself. And when the widow’s son suddenly died, Elijah acted immediately and prayed over her son, asking God to resurrect him, and God did. Elijah lived with the confidence of God’s faithfulness, and each season was for a purpose.
So how was God unsettling me? With my health, specifically, my eyes. I’ve never really had any kind of chronic health condition, so this scared me! It brought me to a place of anxiety and fear. At forty-one years old and in constant pain, and as I read countless stories from other people about how dry eye is a chronic and progressive disease, I thought, “I can’t live like this for the rest of my life!” At times I felt determined to defeat this, but at others, I felt hopeless. I had to rely only on God’s provision and sustenance.
I remember a poignant moment in the Bible study--where Elijah just had to let the brook that he was drinking from go dry. The symbolism was overwhelming to me, as I realized I might just have to let my eyes go dry and rely fully on God to provide. Sometimes that might be a few tears and a bit of moisture to get through the day, but other times, that provision might only be living water--His replenishing Spirit. God with me.
In these circumstances that are outside of our control, we can panic, or we can rest in His peace that he will provide what we need to survive and eventually thrive in Him. God never wastes tears. He uses them.
This week of the study, in which Elijah fully relies on God, wrecked me. When my dry eye journey started, I had joined a Facebook group for fellow sufferers in order to learn more about the condition and ask questions. What I read ripped at my heart--so many were suffering hopelessly over this condition, to the point of depression and even thoughts of suicide. After this week, I felt convicted to pray for this group.
So I posted this simple prayer to the group:
I have the overwhelming conviction to pray for the members of this group. First and foremost, I pray for healing and relief for you all. I pray for miracles. I pray that God will give you comfort and strength to tackle days in which you are in pain. I pray for renewed hope and that we will think spiritually about the work God can do in us through this condition--the compassion and tenderness that grows in us for others. Continued prayers as we all navigate this life with this hardship.
I really didn’t know what the response might be because I had never seen anything spiritual posted in this group before. But the very first response was like an iron fist: “Can we please keep religion out of this group?” At that statement, tears welled up in my eyes--the ironic thing is that although I can’t produce the baseline tears that sustain my eyes, I can produce emotional reflex tears. So I cried. If we have no hope in God, what hope do we have?
But then. God. Showed. Up. Comment after comment ensued:
“This was just what I needed to hear this morning.”
“Amen! God is a God of miracles! Everyone keep praying and speaking miracles!”
“Thank you!”
“Amen! Thank you for the prayer!”
And so on--over one hundred comments later, God had provided the blessing of hope in Him.
Every tear we cry can be used for His purposes. This period of unsettling has grown me in two specific areas--increased compassion for people who are physically hurting and a more fervent, desperate prayer life.
A few weeks later, as we were nearing the end of our study, Elijah prayed down rain after three years of drought. At the same time, I was able to see my dry eye specialist a second time. He prescribed a drop that would help me produce some tears. After the first day that I started on it, I slept through the night for the first time in months (I was having to wake up and put drops in multiple times per night). Thank you, Lord! I praise you for your rain! On my four-hour car drive back from my doctor, I could not help but overflow with praise for his provision.
My eyes are still not back to normal. I still have dryness, but I am improving. And God continues to provide in unexpected ways. On the final day of the study, a representative from a company with a network of medical websites contacted me after reading some of my posts in the dry eye support group on Facebook. He expressed how he was moved by what I had written and asked me if I would be willing to be a writer/contributor for the dry eye website that the company is launching later in the year. I could write as often as I wanted, and they would pay me for my writing! Umm--yeah. Do something I love, encourage other people, and get paid for it? Where do I sign up? I am still amazed at how God is using this difficulty and how He abundantly provides.
In John 16:33, Jesus assures us of two things: “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” This life is not without trouble, but he can have peace because has already defeated death and overcome the world. In whatever hardship you are facing, for whatever reason your tears may fall, know these two things: God can use those tears to draw you into the most intimate relationship you have ever had with Him, and He will thrill you with the way that He uses those tears to accomplish His will.
